| A father's plea |
| Written by Coaching for Christ | |
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Dear Parents, Almost all parents exist in an irrational state of mind when it comes to their child’s performance in various after school activities. I know, because I was as guilty as anyone! This letter is in the form of a plea… My son, Clay, who is now 23 years old, participates in a Bible Study with me and two other men every Thursday night. A few meetings ago he told the group, that as a twelve-year old, he was afraid to get into the car for the ride home after many of his basketball games, because he feared I would not be happy with his performance. My displeasure always stemmed from whether or not I thought he played hard enough. This was obviously one of the salient memories of his childhood participation. If he would have taken a knife and stabbed me through the heart it would not have hurt more. I’ve apologized to him no less than twenty times. He has forgiven me, God has forgiven me, but it is almost impossible for me to forgive myself. For the longest time I thought I was the only overbearing parent who meddled in his son’s career. However, as the years have gone by, I’ve learned that many, many, parents “meddle” with their child’s participation. I thought Clay didn’t play enough, or didn’t get enough shots, or the other boys didn’t pass the ball to him enough or whatever. My worst personality traits exhibited themselves through his basketball career. I was selfish, self-centered, and always irrational. It was, “me, me, me”. Oh, how I wish I could go back and do it over – but it’s too late. For the parents who have children participating now, it’s not too late. “Get a grip”. Believe me, I know your arguments seem sound (I always thought mine were will thought out and rational). But, I promise you’ll look back someday and wonder how in the world your child’s participation could have been as important as you made it. Take it from me, you’ll be embarrassed. So, if you are thinking about talking to the coach concerning your child’s playing time or points or whatever…emulate the Beatles’s song, “Let it Be.” A coach’s number one problem (by a long shot) is parents—people like me, who thought they posed a good argument, but were in fact self-centered and irrational. Do a better job than I did, and your child won’t bring up your poor behavior in a Bible study five years after his performance is totally forgotten. Butt out, and let the chips fall where they may. Tom Smith |
